Causes of stress: a workaholic husbandThe background problems at work are straightforward enough. For the most part we recognize them quite easily, and readily admit to them. But those at home are more subtle. There is a greater emotional overlay to the problem, and we often fail to admit to a problem that those around us can see quite clearly. As a result we may not be aware of the extent to which the minor problems at home contribute to our general state of stress. “I have heard of women giving all their love to their children, so that none remains for the husband. Can a man give all his love to his work so that there is none left over for his wife? Sounds as if I'm joking, but I'm not. It's deadly serious to me. All his physical energy, all his thoughts are directed that way. And his interest. Call it interest. I would call it love. And there seems little for me. 'We are married only a couple of years. I work too. I like my work. But I can think of something else. What am I to do? Look around for another? I don't want that. I tried to face him up with it. But all he said was that he did it for me. Did it for me because he loved me! 'I want to cry. But I won't let myself. Just a minute. No. Now, I am all right. He made my complaint seem heartless. I am young. Want to be loved, want to be cuddled. To feel his love, body to body. I feel deprived. Feel hostile. Keep worrying about it. Worry about it at work. Wonder what tonight will be like.” In my experience this state of affairs occurs most commonly in men who have experienced poverty in early childhood. They strive for security. They are driven on, consciously or unconsciously, to make sure this will not happen to them again or to their children. In other cases the man's father has been successful, and he is driven on to emulate his father. In either case the wife is made miserable, and at the same time has inflicted upon her a background of circumstances ready to produce stress. The workaholic is usually a person who is basically conscientious with a tendency to be neat and tidy. He checks over things so as to be sure everything is just right. The young man is not fully aware of what he is doing. This is a practical problem. It is really quite simple and does not warrant the intervention of a psychiatrist. Better a talk with an understanding general practitioner. It is wise to bring a third party into it, rather than the girl having a confrontation with him herself, as this is only likely to raise hostility between them. And as for the girl, the more she can do to reduce her level of tension, the better she withstands the frustration. And it is well to remember that we all have different characteristics in our personality. A woman can influence a man towards her values without expressing the ideas in words, but simply through the closeness of their being together, physical, intellectual and spiritual. *8/98/5* ANTI-DEPRESSANTS «Canada Online Pharmacy» |
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